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Leaked dossier: Ravi Shastri on India’s critical path to World Cup glory

From: Ravi Shastri <>

Sent: Tuesday, January 20, 2015 9:19 PM

To: MS Dhoni <>

Cc: Duncan Fletcher <>

Subject: How to win this World Cup Thing

Hi MS,

Hope you’re keeping well.

Sorry about you getting thrashed by England today. Duncan and I have put our considerable brains together and have come up with a master-plan to help India retain the World Cup. Here is what needs to be done:

  1. Kidnap Jimmy Anderson
  2. Batsman must hit the ball like a regular bullet, instead of the tracer variety
  3. Provoke David Warner into punching someone (preferably Rohit Sharma 264 times)
  4. Recall our World Cup winning strike bowler, Joginder Sharma
  5. Put all left-handed people named Mitchell on a no-fly list.
  6. Steal Chris Gayle’s iPod
  7. Have the BCCI ICC allow fielders to be placed on the roof when A.B. de Villiers comes in to bat. B7Xm3P1CMAASTIK
  8. Unleash our secret weapon – play ‘Papa Kehte Hai’ on loop every time Stuart ‘Little’ Binny bats or bowls.

That should be all it takes to bring the Cup back home.

Glory to Team India!

Glory to the BCCI!



[Disclaimer: This piece is a work of fiction, humour, satire or whatever else you may choose to call it. No such dossier exists. Or does it?]

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